Twenty fascinating but utterly useless facts you really don't need to know about skin.
- The smoke from burning giraffe skin is used to treat nosebleeds among some tribes in Africa. These tribes always travel with a spare giraffe and a box of matches, in case they bump into a tree.
(Not really: I made that last bit up.)
- Surprisingly, elephant skin is extremely sensitive to sunburn. Now, why nature should have decided that this was a good plan for a large animal living exclusively in very sunny climates is a mystery. But there it is. Take it or leave it.
- Sharks have skin that is smooth when rubbed in one direction and abrasive when rubbed in the other. In fact, it was used as sandpaper, before they invented sandpaper. Not a lot of people know that. So if you leave a trail of sawdust every time you scratch your back, you're probably a shark.
- Lots of animals, snakes and tarantulas, for instance, shed their skins every so often. They just clamber out of it, like overdue-for-laundry long woolen underwear, and walk away.
Well, not all of them. Frogs and salamanders eat their old skin. Words, frankly, fail us.
- Polar bears are black. No kidding. they've got black skin but wear white fur coats, like Puff Daddy. Polar bears do not wear shades or indulge in rapping, to our knowledge.
- How do mommy-hedgehogs have baby-hedgehogs? Going "ouch!" quite a lot, one would think. But no: baby-hedgehogs are born in a little bag. So that they don't hurt mommy. Isn't that just unbearably cute?
- The Burmese python has heat sensors in its lips. This apparently helps them locate prey. Which, presumably, they then kiss to death. Anyway, a popular python nickname is ‘Hotlips’. Try it out next time you meet one.
- The skin of the crested newt tastes horrible. This is said to be a defence against predators. On the other hand, since this wouldn’t work until you were actually being eaten, it seems a somewhat questionable means of defence. Revenge maybe.
- The African plated lizard is usually sort of brownish. But in the breeding season its head turns purply-pink. A similar phenomenon in humans can be observed in New York singles bars.
- The New Guinean Pitohul has a toxic secretion on its skin and feathers, making it the world’s only known poisonous bird. So if you see a ‘Pitohul-in-a-basket’ on a menu, probably avoid it.
- How do hedgehogs make love? “Carefully” is the accepted answer. So it’s kinda strange that some African tribes use hedgehog skin as a fertility-charm. But then, these are people who inhale giraffe-smoke to cure nosebleeds, so what do we know?
- Frogs don’t drink. That’s a fact. Alcoholics Anonymous have very few members who are of the frog persuasion. They do, however, absorb moisture through their skin, and consequently have terrible trouble keeping their swimming pools full.
- The Hagfish exudes a slimy gluey stuff, which apparently ensnares predators. How in the world it ever seemed like a good idea to stick yourself to the animal that intends eating you, is beyond us. It would seem to make you a sort of takeaway lunch. But still …
- Amazingly the salamander does the same trick… only his secretion has the strength and bonding-speed of rubber cement. This explains why you see so many animals wandering about with their faces festooned in salamanders. Not.
- The Golden Poison Arrow Frog, from Colombia, has a skin-secretion so deadly that it cannot even be touched by bare hands. Guess what local hunters use this secretion for… attaching little bells to party-hats? Nope, try again.
- The Sumatran Rhinoceros is the only rhino with any noticeable hair on its body. Very butch, the Sumartran rhino, but this also explains why none of them have ever turned out to be Olympic swimmers.
- The bullfrog breathes through its skin while underwater. As soon as it gets out of the water, it starts breathing through its nostrils. Nobody knows why it doesn’t just go on breathing through its skin, but possibly it doesn’t want to become a slave to habit.
- Hognose snakes play dead when threatened. They not only lie very still but also exude a really disgusting, foul, rotting-flesh smell. It probably works. But frankly, you wouldn’t want your daughter to marry one.
- Some toads have rather knobby skin that exudes hallucinogenic slime. Devotees avail themselves of this ‘high’ by scraping the slime from the back of the animal, or, in more urgent cases, licking the toad. Our question has always been what sort of person would think it a great idea to lick a toad in the first place, before the dubious properties of its sweat were discovered.
- The average female human has about four pounds of skin, which, if spread out, would cover about fifteen square feet. And if filled with feathers, would make an attractive duvet. Mind you, if you use your skin as a bedspread, all your bits would fall out, and you’d have to carry them around in a large plastic bag. Which is easily obtainable from a local supermarket.
- And one you do.
(Dove is all you need to know about skin care.)