You're boring. You have a boring job. You lead a boring life. You're bored.
You never rock the boat. You've never been arrested. You are a good citizen.
You have no tattoos.
And that's why you love, either openly, secretly, or unwittingly, Dennis Rodman.
Because as a boring American living in the land of the bland and the home of the afraid, Dennis Rodman is what you wish you could be. A howling, slashing, rebounding wild man.
Oh how you wish you could be that. Just once.
Dennis Rodman is your hero because Dennis Rodman practices the dying art of being an American.
He is a true rebel in a country founded by rebels. (Dennis, in another life, would have happily thrown some tea in the Boston Harbor.)
Dennis speaks his mind. He does what he wants. He is uncompromising.
He is flamboyant. He is heavily tattooed. And he takes every inch the Bill of Rights gives him to pursue his own crazy brand of basketball happiness.
But he is not your hero just because he is a rebel.
No, that is only half the story: Dennis Rodman is also the best at what he does for a living.
He is the most phenomenal rebounder ever to play the game of basketball.
His philosophy on the court is simple.
"Get the damn ball.”
And every night that's what he does. Sometimes 20, 23 times a game.
Dennis Rodman works hard. He gives an All-American 120% every night.
And his teammates appreciate him.
But the NBA does not appreciate Dennis Rodman.
And that's where the story gets complicated and even more American. True rebels are rarely appreciated by the organization they rebel against. When you are sticking it to the man, the man rarely invites you to the company picnic. (The man keeps you around however. You get the man lots of rebounds.)
The NBA is afraid of Dennis Rodman.
And that's a shame, really.
Because Dennis Rodman deserves to be at the NBA's company picnic in San Antonio tomorrow night. He should be announced as a starter, and when he runs out to center court, he should, and he would, make all the laser shows and mascots and dance teams seem really, somehow, insignificant.
You see, Dennis Rodman, your hero, is the most exciting player the NBA's got.
And that's why he should be there as an All-Star.
But he's not and he won't be and that's why we took out this ad.
Because even if the league's not, we are proud of Dennis Rodman.
And we think he should not only play in the All-Star game. We think he should sing the National Anthem to begin the game. Yes. He should stand there, at center court, right alongside Brandy or Boys ll Men or whoever, and just belt out that anthem at the top of his lungs. Because Dennis Rodman represents every word of that anthem.
And when Dennis Rodman sings it, Dennis Rodman means it.
You never rock the boat. You've never been arrested. You are a good citizen.
You have no tattoos.
And that's why you love, either openly, secretly, or unwittingly, Dennis Rodman.
Because as a boring American living in the land of the bland and the home of the afraid, Dennis Rodman is what you wish you could be. A howling, slashing, rebounding wild man.
Oh how you wish you could be that. Just once.
Dennis Rodman is your hero because Dennis Rodman practices the dying art of being an American.
He is a true rebel in a country founded by rebels. (Dennis, in another life, would have happily thrown some tea in the Boston Harbor.)
Dennis speaks his mind. He does what he wants. He is uncompromising.
He is flamboyant. He is heavily tattooed. And he takes every inch the Bill of Rights gives him to pursue his own crazy brand of basketball happiness.
But he is not your hero just because he is a rebel.
No, that is only half the story: Dennis Rodman is also the best at what he does for a living.
He is the most phenomenal rebounder ever to play the game of basketball.
His philosophy on the court is simple.
"Get the damn ball.”
And every night that's what he does. Sometimes 20, 23 times a game.
Dennis Rodman works hard. He gives an All-American 120% every night.
And his teammates appreciate him.
But the NBA does not appreciate Dennis Rodman.
And that's where the story gets complicated and even more American. True rebels are rarely appreciated by the organization they rebel against. When you are sticking it to the man, the man rarely invites you to the company picnic. (The man keeps you around however. You get the man lots of rebounds.)
The NBA is afraid of Dennis Rodman.
And that's a shame, really.
Because Dennis Rodman deserves to be at the NBA's company picnic in San Antonio tomorrow night. He should be announced as a starter, and when he runs out to center court, he should, and he would, make all the laser shows and mascots and dance teams seem really, somehow, insignificant.
You see, Dennis Rodman, your hero, is the most exciting player the NBA's got.
And that's why he should be there as an All-Star.
But he's not and he won't be and that's why we took out this ad.
Because even if the league's not, we are proud of Dennis Rodman.
And we think he should not only play in the All-Star game. We think he should sing the National Anthem to begin the game. Yes. He should stand there, at center court, right alongside Brandy or Boys ll Men or whoever, and just belt out that anthem at the top of his lungs. Because Dennis Rodman represents every word of that anthem.
And when Dennis Rodman sings it, Dennis Rodman means it.