Roxane Gay “Ten Rules for Loving and Being Loved Well”

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Culture
Original
Words
375
Writer
Roxane Gay
Year
2024
  1. Love each other on your own terms
    There are no rules. Structure your relationship and your lives together in ways that work for you. You only have to answer to each other.
  1. Love happens on its own time.
    Sometimes, love comes suddenly and other times it develops slowly. There is no perfect age. When you google, “When can I say ‘I love you?” there are a hundred different answers.
  1. Let yourself be loved.
    Trust your partner with your heart. Let yourself be taken care of. Share your inner life. Surrender control sometimes. If you let yourself be loved, you’ll never be alone.
  1. Delight in your partner.
    Find them endlessly fascinating. Support their passions. Spoil your partner rotten. Lavish them with their preferred affections. And remember: the nemesis of your beloved is your nemesis, too.
  1. You’re an adult; Act like it.
    It takes two to make and take care of a home. Do your fair share, based on your strengths. Don’t avoid chores by weaponizing helplessness. Google is right there.
  1. Create space for your love.
    Make each other a priority—not the only priority, but the primary one. Give each other space to grow. Eschew relationship accounting about who did what when. Find home together.
  1. Love (or like) the people your person loves.
    Your partner has people—friends and family, of origin and choice. Honor these bonds. You can be your partner’s center of gravity while embracing the other heavenly bodies in their life.
  1. Difficult isn’t the default.
    Despite common wisdom, relationships shouldn’t be hard. If your is, something is wrong. Don’t stay in a miserable relationship because you assume love demands suffering. It doesn’t.
  1. Love is not a battlefield.
    When you argue, fight fair. Don’t make a habit of hurting your beloved. Own your mistakes. Apologize. Make amends. When you’re hurt, hold that space too. Grow stronger from the broken places.
  1. Fairy tales are real.
    When you’re lucky, you meet your soulmate. You get to do activities together. They thrill and challenge you. When they look at you, your heart skips a beat. They are your truth north.